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Dear Livejournal.

I think somewhere deep down i missed you and realised that my daliance with farcebook would always be a short and ultimately fruitless one. I'm sorry that i was distracted by facebook and then blip and then twitter. It's not my fault that the internet offers so many seemingly exciting ways to waste my time, however it is my fault that i abandoned you and i'm sorry. However i'm back now and i intend to make amends by making you cookies and giving you bloggy love!

Yours in apology

gnarwhal

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Dear Husband,

I don't enjoy waking up to you touching me in a sexual way.  I want time to wake up and get my bearings first.  I'd like to brush my teeth so that when you kiss me, I'm not worrying about whether I have morning breath (because you certianly do!).  Also, please remember that the twins are only one year old, and my body still has pains in the area of my c-section from time to time.  So if I'm not in the mood for sex, that's not a rejection of you, it's because I'm not able to enjoy the experience.  Don't take it so personally!  If I didn't find you attractive, we wouldn't have 4 children after 8 years of marriage.

I love you,
Me

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Hey!

I've got news for absolutely everyone who doesn't already know this.

In any job, any profession, any trade - no matter how stupidly or menially that job is perceived - there's a way to half-ass it, and there's the way that the professionals do it.

Part of learning a profession is learning how not to fuck it up for the next person to work on it. Part of knowing what you're doing is being able to apply the professional standards to the task at hand. "Self-taught" in the professional world means that you probably can't work with other people.

I don't care if you have an aptitude for computers, for carpentry, for creating advertising documents, for drafting, or for ditch digging. There is a way to do it in your own back yard as long as you're the only person who ever has to deal with it, AND THEN there's another completely different way to do it so that you're not insulting the people who know what they're doing.

Love,
Emily
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My apologies if anti-theist rants are inappropriate in this space. I will not take offense if it's deleted.

Letter to Keith OlbermannCollapse )

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pls fix the bathpls fix the bath please fix the bat please fix the bath please fix the bath please fix the bath please fix the bath please fix the bath.

:(

Love

Me.

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that you are coughing up your lungs and screaming sneezing OFTEN, go HOME.

i cannot work with you behind me making this god awful racket.

it sets my nerves on edge. it makes me cranky. i am constantly distracted.

i have work to do. i know you do as well, but i bet you're not working anywhere near your normal standard, and i sure as hell can't come close to mine with you making the sounds of death behind me.

shut the fuck up and GO HOME.

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1. Why is the return flight from Brussels to Dublin always an hour late?

2. Why do you never ever ever tell passengers that the flight is an hour late until everyone has checked in and passed through security to the long, empty corridors of the Brussels airport departure lounge, filled with nothing but crap cafés and outrageously expensive wireless?

3. Why do your pilots and cabin crew think that acting with shock and amazement at this completely unexpected delay is in any way convincing?

4. Do your pilots and cabin crew have a rota system of excuses to give every time? Is it like:
Monday: "I do apologise for this short delay to your flight this evening, this was due to air traffic control restrictions all down the east coast of the Oppressors of our Glorious Airline England"
Tuesday: "I do apologise for this short delay to your flight this evening, this was due to a technical fault on the inbound aircraft"
Wednesday: "I do apologise for this short delay to your flight this evening, this was due to wind and rain at Dublin airport"
Thursday: "I do apologise for this short delay to your flight this evening, this was due alien slime covering the inbound aircraft"
Friday: "I do apologise for this short delay to your flight this evening, this was due to the fact that I wanted to go shopping in Paris for latex bum-supporting man-pants so we took the afternoon off"

5. Why do you think a 1 hour and 10 minute delay is a short delay, and why do your crew think it appropriate to adopt a reproachful tone when welcoming us to Dublin airport after our 'short' flight and hoping that the short delay to our short flight did not cause us too much inconvenience WHEN YOU KNOW THAT HALF THE PASSENGERS GOT UP AT 4.30 THAT MORNING AND NOW WON'T GET TO BED UNTIL 12.30AM BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER, EVER LEFT BRUSSELS ON TIME EVER.

6. Why do you hope we will fly with you again soon? Do you hate us that much?
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Dear Microsoft,

How did you manage to make your newest version of MSOffice suck so hard? Where the fuck is the "print" function? Where the hell is the "file" menu? I have been assured that they exist somewhere, obviously you didn't want the program to be usable to users of previous versions. Was that an attempt to attract younger users to your format?

Screaming Jeebus on ice skates, it's awful.

Guess I'll stick with Open Office.

No love,
Emily

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